The Science of Making Friends, (w/DVD): Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults
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The groundbreaking book that puts the focus on teens and young adults with social challenges
This book offers parents a step-by-step guide to making and keeping friends for teens and young adults with social challengesâ€"such as those diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, bipolar, or other conditions. With the book’s concrete rules and steps of social etiquette, parents will be able to assist in improving conversational skills, expanding social opportunities, and developing strategies for handling peer rejection.
Each chapter provides helpful overview information for parents; lessons with clear bulleted lists of key rules and steps; and expert advice on how to present the material to a teen or young adult. Throughout the book are role-playing exercises for practicing each skill, along with homework assignments to ensure the newly learned skills can be applied easily to a school, work, or other "real life" setting. The bonus DVD shows role-p lays of skills covered, demonstrating the right and wrong way to enter conversations, schedule get-togethers, deal with conflict, and much more.
PART ONE: GETTING READY
Ch. 1: Why Teach Social Skills to Teens and Young Adults?
PART TWO: THE SCIENCE OF DEVELOPING AND MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS
Ch. 2: Finding and Choosing Good Friends
Ch. 3: Good Conversations: The Basics
Ch. 4: Starting and Entering Conversations
Ch. 5: Exiting Conversations
Ch. 6: Managing Electronic Communication
Ch. 7: Showing Good Sportsmanship
Ch. 8: Enjoying Successful Get-Togethers
PART THREE: THE SCIENCE OF HANDLING PEER CONFLICT AND REJECTION: HELPFUL STRATEGIES
Ch. 9: Dealing With Arguments
Ch. 10: Handling Verbal Teasing
Ch. 11: Addressing Cyber Bullying
Ch. 12: Minimizing Rumors and Gossip
Ch. 13: Avoiding Physical Bullying
Ch. 14: Changing a Bad Reputation
Epilogue: Moving Forw ard
Immediate Responses for Challenging Social Situations from Dr. Elizabeth Laugeson
Well-meaning parents often give teens and young adults advice on how to meet new people. The problem is that the advice we give is often wrong! We might tell them to go up and say “Hi†or introduce themselves, yet in reality is this is not what socially accepted teens and young adults do to meet new people.
When trying to start a conversation with someone you don’t know, here’s what really works:
1. Casually look over at the person to show interest but don’t stare.
2. Use a prop to make it look like you're focused on something else (e.g., your smartphone).
3. Look for a common interest that you both appear to share (e.g., you both have the same phone).
4. Make a comment related to the common interest (e.g., “I see you have the new iPhone. How do you like it?â€).
5. Trade information about the common interest by asking follow-up questions and sharing related information about yourself (e.g., “I love my iPhoneâ€).
6. Assess the person’s interest:
a. Are they talking to you?
b. Are they facing you?
c. Are they looking at you?
7. If they seem interested, introduce yourself (e.g., “By the way, I’m Lizâ€).
| 5 of 5 people found the following review helpful  The best book I've read on this topic, could be extremely helpful for anyone who is socially-challenged, from teens to adults, By This review is from: The Science of Making Friends, (w/DVD): Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults (Paperback) Customer review from the Amazon Vine Program (What's this?) I've searched for a book like this for a long time. Most are aimed specifically for teens with ADD, autism, or similar conditions. I totally understand the need for works focused on these topics and The Science of Making Friends covers these areas in depth. But the book also contains plenty of information which could be helpful to ALL socially-challenged teens. These include those who feel awkward or unpopular, are nervous in new situations, or simply haven't learned how to make and keep friends. 0 This book met - and exceeded - my hopes. Based on both solid research and real-life scenarios and examples, there are step-by-step instructions to help teens learn how to control their anxieties and improve their social skills. Each section covers a specific area. The first section provides an overview of the research which supports the rest of the material in the book. From there, sections include information about how to form and main tain friendships (finding friends, starting conversations, discovering mutual interests). I particularly liked the part about coping with conflict and rejection because - painful as it is - these are also realities that teens may face. They need coping strategies for those times and they'll find them here. I also appreciated the fact that the book was written with sections for parents and different ones for teens. They complement each other but have a slightly different tone. There are exercises included in each chapter for teens to help them practice their budding skills. The DVD included with the book is a special bonus, with examples of realistic situations. For those who learn best with visuals, this could be a significant help. There is far too much information to cover in a review but I did want to note the examples which are labeled "Good" and "Bad" ways of starting conversations. Among other topics, these examples hone in on the the types of cue s which socially-challenged individuals may miss - appropriate eye contact, body distance, getting personal too quickly, etc. After reading this book, I've become convinced that there is not only an art but a science behind friendships. Some teens learn this almost automatically. For others, it takes more work and the information in this helpful volume could be a major source of support. 4 of 4 people found the following review helpful  Good Pieces, but not entire puzzle, By This review is from: The Science of Making Friends, (w/DVD): Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults (Paperback) Customer review from the Amazon Vine Program (What's this?) I work with teenagers with disabilities. I'm usually very skeptical whenever I pick up a book targeting teens and young adults with social challenges. I haven't found a lot out there that works so I had no real clue about this book other than the back of the book and a promise of a DVD with supplemental material. 0 I got into the forward which impressed me, John Elder Robinson who wrote "Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's" strongly recommended the PEER method developed by UCLA. The entire book is a training guide for the PEER method. I have never heard of the PEER system so I went through the book to find out more about it. The book comes in three parts. Every chapter spends pages describing steps and warnings that people who do not have social challenges should teach to those that do have social challenges. None of this material is new to me, I work with my students with disabilities and we work on all these same skills en dlessly. The second part of the chapter is directly aimed at someone learning social skills. Often, this is paired with a video found on the DVD or can be unlocked with a password from the publisher online. The book contains the dialouge used in the video. At the end of each section, the reader (the one with social challenges) is asked to reflect and try to see the view point of the other person. A conversation ideally happens. The third and final section of every chapter is a "Success Story", a casestudy of a family who had been able to go to the UCLA clinic and use the PEER program. A good highlight in this book is the introduction of online safety, an important fact of life these days. The book covers how to make friends, how to enter into a conversation, and how to deal with negative social exchanges (arguments, teasing, rumors, and negative reputations). Some things that got in the way and bogged down the system, as outlined in this book , is the endless text directed at people with social struggles. Even when paired with the videos, the guideline and directives are extraordinarily black and white. In addition while complex social exchanges have a video, simple introductory social exchanges are excluded from videos. The videos on the DVD (or found online with the code) are not exactly the pinnacle of cinema. But that lends itself to the credibility to hopefully demonstrate successful social outcomes for people who struggle with socialization. More common issues such as "Policing" or "conversation hogging" lacked additional examples. The balance between gender videos also was missing, I felt every type of exchange should have occurred with both genders. In addition, another frustration is the DVD is only to be used on a computer, not a DVD player for a TV. This program is initially very promising and there are many who have found success with this program. Using the book helps reinforce the skills of social navigation, but does not lend itself with fidelity to people with much more severe social challenges. "The Science of Making Friends" is definitely a book I will use when the occasion arises for my students. 3 of 3 people found the following review helpful Friend me!, By This review is from: The Science of Making Friends, (w/DVD): Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults (Paperback) Customer review from the Amazon Vine Program (What's this?) Social problems are common across a wide variety of adolescent mental health problems, including anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism, and so forth. In addition, many adolescents who do not have any overt psychopathology also experience difficulties with social situations. Thus, books such as "The Science of Making Friends" are much needed in the field, especially those that focus on evidence based approaches. The author has much experience treating these problems at UCLA's PEERS Clinic. The book can be used by many different populations, including clinicians in the field, but it has also been written so that parents can use it directly to help their adolescents. 0 "The Science of Making Friends" starts with a consideration of why social skills and relations are so important. This chapter helps parents and others understand the context of the problem and provides much practical advice, including how parents using the book can introduce it to their adolescents. Chapter two explores what makes a good friend and how to go about finding them. This section is well-considered and discusses the role of shared interests in friendships. Again, practical activities are described to help parents and adolescents navigate this area. Subsequent chapters get into the nuts and bolts of social skills training, including good conversations; starting, entering and exiting conversations; and handling problems such as verbal teasing, arguments, and rumors/ gossip. It's great to see that a brief chapter even addresses the rising problem of cyberbullying. These sections are loaded with information. Each social skills is described in detail and parents are provided with 'coaching tips' along with case studies of 'success stories." Fortunately, the tips are developmentally-sensitive, acknowledging that good social skills for adults differ from those for adolescents (she calls them 'contextually rel evant'). For example, one chapter examines electronic communication. This section, though, is perhaps a bit shallow and focuses more on safety issues rather than social skills. However, I think overall that this book is a solid addition to the arena of adolescents social relations and could be helpful to many families. The book is accompanied by a 30-minute DVD of role-play demonstrations of the social skills described in the book. Each skill is followed with a series of questions to help the audience reflect on the skills. The quality of the DVD is fine, although the scenarios are obviously filmed in what looks like a very formal medical library and the actors seem to be graduate students. However, seeing these social skills in action unquestionably could be helpful for many adolescents. |
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